I've been contemplating my optimism today. I tend to look at the bright side of things. When my husband pointed out to the midwife that our daughter didn't have any thumbs, and she looked at me with shock and apologized, my response was, "That's okay. God must have a plan for our daughter that doesn't include thumbs." And that's just how I see things. When the cardiologist told us eight months ago that the ultrasound may show an A/P window, but probably not...I focused on the "probably not." When they saw some scar tissue at her follow-up cardiology appointment four months ago and said that it would probably go away on its own...I focused on the "would probably go away."
Today has shaken me a little. We're still in the hospital. Charlotte has a clot in her femoral artery that is requiring some attention. It's not causing her any problems. However, they need both of her femoral arteries in good condition because "she's going to be a frequent flier." I hadn't expected that phrase. I understood that they were going to need to take a look at her aorta soon to make sure all is well, but I had no idea that she would require lots of repeat caths. I found myself holding her, unable to stop myself from crying.
When she was in the NICU a few days after her birth, I asked one of her cardiologists if the A/P surgery would take care of everything. He gave me a slightly condescending look and told me that this would be "like catching a tiger by the tail." He went on to explain that you might think you've got the tiger by the tail, but then it jerks away from you. I developed an immediate dislike for him due to that analogy. But he was right. I've never tried to catch a tiger, but I imagine that this is what it feels like.
But I still hold to my optimism. Not because I believe that the outcome of every situation will be what I want. But because it's what God calls me to be. He wants me to know true joy. He wants me to trust Him. He wants me to live in today, in the now, not worrying about tomorrow. You can't do any of those things if you're busy measuring the emptiness of the cup.
7 comments:
Oh Christy ... this post has brought me to tears with you ... I can't imagine what you are going through, but I praise God that you are able to go through it with optimism and joy and grow through whatever plans He has for you ... you're showing tremendous faith and strength and I pray that it will see you through the difficult patches ahead ... you will all be in our prayers. Peace be with you.
Christy, Your faith in everything that you've walked through with Charlotte has been such a testimony. I cannot imagine how much it hurts to see your little girl in pain and in the PICU...we are praying for you, that God would continue to give you strength and peace, and that He would do the same for Charlotte in her little heart! We love you so much.
Oh Christy, I'm so saddened to read this post...I know so many have been lifting you, Charlotte, Will and Owen up in prayer since day one of this journey. Your positive thoughts and optimism will most definitely help carry you during the difficult times. When you have a choice to either be optimistic or not, it does become a wonderful testiment of faith that you chose to be optimistic. Your sweet girl captured my heart from the day she was born and I will continue to intercede on her behalf until this is all just a distant memory. May you feel the peace we are all praying for and may you have the strength to be that optimist for one more day.
I wish I could reach through this computer screen and give you a big hug. Charlotte is His. I am so glad that you and Will are her parents. As your faith is stretched, I am confident that God is doing great things. I love you with all my heart sweet friend.
What they said and more. :)
Please let us know when Charlotte gets out of the hospital and if there's anything you need.
His is the peace that passes all understanding and you never know what you can stand up against until you're in the middle of the storm. God trusted you both to be this sweet girls parents and He chose most wisely. I cannot imagine the testimony that her life will be when her time comes for the telling but I know the strength of the shoulder's she stands on will figure largely in the tale. I love you guys, more and more every day.
I clearly missed out on a lot while out of town...
The Lord is honored with your life. I love you sweet friend.
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